Friday, April 13, 2012

Falling Falling Falling

My cousin Daniele from Italy, my Mom and my Dad, a favorite picture,having dinner at our home.

As a child when you fall you seem to bounce back up. I often watch children run and play, fall and tumble and get right back up with out a problem.

Falling for an adult is an entirely different experience.
I am not sure if it because we are less close to the ground or our bodies hurt more as we get older but I am here to tell you it is a traumatic experience.

This week around 12 noon or so, after I was finished with throwing up and getting my head on straight and not feeling dizzy, Clint and I decided to take me out. I have been in the house for what seemed like forever.

We drove to Lancaster to pick up some plants for the garden.

It was a wonderful day, we had fabulous lunch at a Greek place, I had grilled octopus and Skordia, a mashed potato dip, and feta cheese. We relaxed and talked and forget all about the cancer.
We drove to Lancaster and although it was a cool day, spent time at the nursery checking out trees and bushes. We came home with lots of containers of Scotch Broom, which I love.

The hour and a half ride home through the country side of Lancaster was beautiful. I was calm and collected and so happy to be out and gather flowers for my garden.

I made one major mistake, as we pulled into the driveway and parked, Clint said to me loud and clear, "Go inside and I will unload the truck". Me being me, who always helped, got out the truck way too fast, picked up a large container of Scotch broom. Little did I know the thing had wings, I got dizzy and it pulled me up the driveway, with Clint yelling all the time"what are you doing" he said I passed him at 100 miles an hour and thought, this is not good.

Never did I think to drop the flowers and roll on the grass. I hit knees hard on the asphalt, rolled over, my body in shock, pummeled my left side and started bawling hysterically. My good mood vanished with the drop of the Scotch broom. When Clint could get me off the ground, both knees bruised, couldn't walk, calmed me down somewhat and brought me upstairs.

The phone rang and it was my oncologist asking how I was doing~perfect timing~ I was a mess! I told him I just fell and he was very concerned, he wanted to see me, he wanted to put me in the hospital, he had been saying this for a week or more and I DID NOT want to go to the hospital. You know me and rejecting everything first! I was dehydrated and he ordered fluids. I went to see him today. We had a wonderfully long conversation as we talked about how I feel good for a day and bad for three days. I've been getting headaches which I hadn't before so more tests.

But, to tell you the truth I feel good today, I am sitting here writing a blog. I ate 3 meals without bringing it up. Could be the Cancer, could be the chemo, could be anxiety, could be the mini steroid I am taking. Who knows, at this point my least favorite thing is the steroids, so I will gradually remove them and go on. Today I feel like doing things, I will hope and yes, set my mind to~each day is special, feeling good or not!
Thanks Doc for taking the time to go through every possible question, concern and for being so compassionate, I am lucky to have you on my side.


  1. You are a star and inspire me. Lots of love. Jenn

  2. Thinking of you, holding you in prayer.