A tiny street in Rome, the thought of Italy keeps me going!
I have to say that these past few weeks have been filled with anxiety, tears, fears, uncertainty, reluctance, despair, hope, almost every feeling imaginable.
A few weeks ago, I went to my oncologist complaining of persistent symptoms, nausea, bad taste in my mouth, the inability to keep food down, uncontrollable tears, great fatigue.
His answer to me, other than suggesting I take Lexapro for my depression was to have me go back on chemo. This news I met with the urge to throw up. I was in a weakened state and could not even imagine going through this again. I am thinner than I have ever been ~hellva diet!
He ordered an MRI, which I had on Saturday morning.
He called me on Monday night and told me the news was not good.
He wants me on chemo right away, no asking, this time he was telling me. The remaining part of the tumor that the operation did not get more than doubled in size and took with it, as clusters, all the then "little spots surrounding it".
They are little no longer. In the course of 5 short weeks this tumor is bigger and faster growing than any I've had. It is on the war path.
Although the news still made me sick to my stomach and brought fast and furious tears to my eyes, I realized my choices were limited. Do I want to live? Damn YES!!!!!!!
So I begin another regiment of chemo, starting tomorrow morning down at JEFF.
This second line of defense, as they call it will switch out some drugs for others. Not too sure of all the side effects, I have to tell you, I am almost afraid to look at the info sheets.
I will take one day at a time, get through that and then go on.
I had my screams and crying, now I will go on.
I have the blessings of so much love from family and friends and I know I will not go this alone.
He promises me that I will be better by early summer, this behind me. I respond well to chemo, he says and they will do more scans in a few months time. He is confident and that helps me.
Clint and I have been downtown almost every day this week, we have seen so many doctors, been given choices down the road, but for now they want to stop it in it's tracks, I can understand that.
I am grateful for all your thoughts and prayer, I cannot do this alone, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I am strong, I can do this, one moment at a time.
I am an optimistic and happy person.. I would rather see life as exciting and challenging and enjoy every minute than dwell on the negative .. I love to cook and have my family around .. big family dinners and celebrations are always held in my home.. I have a huge table 10 feet long ..filled with food and family.. I have learned many of my mom's old recipes and try to recreate many of the dishes I grew up with .. I am teaching my grandsons to cook .. they love it! I have a wonderful,happy, loving relationship with my husband. He supports me in everything I do and is my biggest fan and taste tester.. he loves all things Italian too!
I love to cook, write, eat and laugh .. I wrote a cookbook in 2004.. the title? LIVE,LAUGH,COOK! what else!