Friday, January 27, 2012

Where do I begin?

I think it has been a while since I wrote, seems like centuries to me.
I went down for my first chemo infusion last Friday. It was January 20th.
I didn't want to go, I felt too week, not strong enough and all of a sudden I was scared. I really didn't have a choice, so we headed down to 13th and Wolf, to Methodist, there was no room for me at Jeff. This was s smaller infusion center, only 10 chairs, not so busy.
I was trying not to cry all the way down and as they infusioned me. They keep asking if I was scared and yes I was. This is a new infusion of drugs, a little different from last time with all sorts of nice side effect. I came home with my pump for two more days and they came to unhook me on Sunday. At that point I was already in bed since Friday, sick as a dog, couldn't keep anything down, just laying in bed feeling sick every second.
By Wednesday, I woke up feeling a little bit hungry, first sign in 5 days, I ate a little but still stayed in bed for the day.
It was about 4 o'clock or so, Clint and I were both in my bedroom, Tina was bringing the boys for a 10 minute visit, as they came into the room, Clint saw my face change completely.
He came to me directly and asked my name, I could not tell him, he kept asking who he was, I could not tell him. Little did I know it but I was having a stroke. He was getting dressed as I lay down in bed, he wanted me to go to the hospital but all I wanted was to be in bed, but I could not talk.
He got me to emergency at Riddle, they took me immediately, I could not have been more thankful for the care I received. My name, the season, my birthday, what year was it (I said 1969!) the doctor just said squeeze my hand like it was 1969. I had a battery of test, all night long.
The next day the neurologist came and spoke with us in the hospital. I did have a stroke, I was there in plenty of time and I have almost every thought back, some words are hard to remember. For some reason they showed me a sign of a cactus, for the life of me I kept saying, you find them in Arizona, but couldn't name them, I think I need to have a cactus in my Voodoo room now!

They kept me until around 3 pm that day and sent me home.

I had my appointment with the oncologist today.
He can't explain it to me, they say some people who have cancer, are more prone to strokes but he said it was not the kind I had.
Who knows? but I can tell you it was the scariest thing I could have gone through. Today I feel tired but a little better. The doctor told me today (kidding, I hope or maybe not) that I was a challenging patient.
I get my second infusion a week from today. I'll take my aspirin every day and at night I ask myself who I am, just in case.

This road has taken so many turns, and the missing of my Dad.
I get so many emails and cards and support and food, I thank each and every one of you. Clint and I have so much to be thankful for, all the love and prayers. We thank you, for your kindness, your sweetness, your prayers and show of support for me as we go through this once again.

Once moment in time. Right now.

(By the way, this took way too long to write, I apologize for any mistake!)


  1. Thinking of you with love and sending peace, ease and strength.

  2. Bob and I are sending you and Clint peace and love. You are both remarkable. Dawn and Bob

  3. Keep the faith, know that you will get through this, and most of all continue to write. Expressing yourself and sharing your thoughts with your fan base will greatly help with the healing process. You are a person of great strength and fortitude and you are surrounded by friends and family who care for you far more than you’ll ever know. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. Our thoughts and prayers are always with you.

  5. Praying every day for you Susan and your rock, Clint. God bless you in this journey and your family too. Diane, Garnet Valley, PA

  6. My prayers are with you and Clint. You are a Hero to many of us who read your writings. May the Lord continue to give you the strength to get through this Blip in the Road, to Recovery!!

    Nancy, Boca Raton, FL.

  7. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I was shocked to hear that you had a stroke. I rolled my stromboli out on the super bowl and thought of you. You taught me some new tricks to a better stromboli from your class last year. I pray for your health, you deserve many many more years on this earth. Kris Carrea