Feelings

Well the second week is down and 4 more to go.

This week was about feelings and emotions for me. My emotions were all over the place.

One of the things I love about my life most is the energy I bring to every situation. I am a very high energy person. Moving through life at a fast pace and enjoying every single second of that energy!

I think that is why I was feeling so down this week.

I want to feel like myself again. I want to jump out of bed in the morning.. run up the stairs when I need to, cook and do all the things I have done my whole life.
But guess what??? it is not going to happen.

I am tired.

Tired really don't describe it well at all.. weary is more like it.
Like I am underwater or in quick sand- all my movements are slow. I am dragging.
I sleep and I take a nap but when I wake up I feel the same. The nap does not revive me. A whole nights' sleep does not take away the weariness.

This bothers me more than anything ..I know it is all the drugs in my system.. it is Chemo Therapy after all, and the daily radiation just heightens the side effects.
That slow steady 24/7 drip is the reason for this fatigue I feel.
They warned me ... told me about this side effect but I thought me??- no way~ I am in too good shape, I am strong, I will fight through this.
Yea~right!!

There is no fight and if there was I am definitely on the losing side.

So only 2 weeks into this and I want it to be over. I know this is probably normal, who wants to go through this?

All in all this week did go by fast and I still have my sense of humor.. thank goodness.
I still have my appetite and I am still me. I've lost minimal weight and all my blood work is good. So the important things are OK.

I am happy to have 2 days off. No Chemo bag hanging on me .. no radiation visits every day, 2 days of just being able to wake up and get up and not worrying about pulling the needle out of the port or being queasy, 2 days of relaxing, 2 days of freedom.

Two days to feel normal.