This week was tough... there I said it!
So many people ask me how I feel and I want to lie and say "Great" because I don't want to keep saying I don't feel good... I think I am giving it energy ... that "Not feeling good" feeling.
I want to feel good, I want to be myself, jump out of bed in the morning, have a~cross stuff off my list kinda day, feel good, laughing easily, doing 10 things at once. Getting so much accomplished in one day ~I surprise myself. But guess what~ I don't, I can't ~I am not going to be doing what I did before. Not yet anyway.
This is a different world, me and my chemo & radiation. This stuff is meant to kick ass and guess what? it's doing it!
I guess that means that it is working... I should hope so. I hope all those beams of radiation that get zapped into me and making that tumor shrivel away to nothing.
I am envisioning a laser gun zapping away at my insides... breaking that tumor into little harmless pieces.
This week was a smorgasbords of symptoms: queasy, nauseous, tired, sore, burning, achy, grumpy, weepy, tired... did I say tired?? oh yea pain. They gave me something for the pain... a few things actually. I am not a good pill taker... pain meds especially ~they make loopy... more than normal! My night table is a jumble of medicine bottles, creams, lotions & potions. I have so many anti-itch creams I squish when I walk!!
All these things treat the symptoms not the cause...so they really don't work. It is just a matter of getting through these next few weeks. I will. I know I will.
I will come out stronger, happier, love life more if that is at all possible. I truly realize just how precious life, family, friends are. This has given me a new perspective on my life and how I want to live it from now on. I can take a deep breath and say "I can see clearly now"... just like the song!
The beautiful bright side to this week is that "We got out of Dodge" as Clint likes to say!
I was feeling like all I did was go to the doctors and come home to work. So we decided to take an off day.. a happy day... filled with flowers and green pastures and horse drawn buggies. We went to Lancaster on Tuesday. I scheduled an early radiation treatment at 8AM and we were off.
Riding through the rolling hills dotted with farms, the sky was crystal blue with white puffy clouds, the temperature was gorgeous- low 80's. We had no agenda... just a rambling ride to calm the heart and sooth the soul.
We stopped at a blacksmith where I bought a hairpin piece of wrought iron fence for my front porch. As a child we had black hairpin railing around the front of our house and this brought back those childhood memories.
We stopped at local farm stands to buy tomatoes & strawberries and pickled beets.
We had lunch at Shady Maple. We bought flowers for a window box I want to put outside my office window.
We browsed through a few Antique stores. I am a sucker for old bottles and old wooden boxes so a few of those made it into the car. It was a peaceful, beautiful day. A calming day a day to forget about CANCER and all the stuff that goes along with it. A day to heal my soul and spend with my husband and come home with a smile on my face. A day that made this week bearable.
On to week 6!!!! ... go get'em laser beams!!!!
Oh~ don't try the Prune juice Cosmo... the flavors just didn't work!!!!
Flavors of Calabria: Amarelli Licorice
8 months ago