Words have been going through my head all week...thoughts, phrases... how to describe this week? What to say to express the emotions that are flowing out of me?
I probably wrote this blog in my head everyday this week, each time different.
Monday morning I was ecstatic that this was my last week, after going in town and getting hooked up again, I was exhausted and slept from 3 pm Monday until Tuesday morning!
Tuesday & Wednesday I had energy and enthusiasm but by Thursday I was weepy and emotional.
I didn't expect the emotions, couldn't explain why I would just start crying.... after all it was the last week and I did it!
But this is a very emotional journey.
I learned a lot about myself these past 6 weeks. I learned that yes, I am strong. That people are very caring, that my family will stand besides me no matter what, that my body is an amazing thing, that resilience and fortitude are in my blood.
I learned that it is OK to cry and laugh at the same time and I was given a glimpse of how my life will be forever altered by this experience.
The health care provides told me this was a difficult 6 weeks and that I came out strong and with minimal side effects. I lost only 5 lbs. My blood work remained stable and most of the scary side effects like mouth sores, uncontrollable diarrhea, blistered hands and feet, dehydration, hair loss just to name a few ... never effected me~Thank goodness!!!
I have my health to thank for that. I came into this a healthy person, a person who always took care of herself, ate right, exercises regularly. This surely had some bearing on my reaction to treatment.
But the side effects are not only physical, they are emotional as well. So much goes through your mind.
I learned about the power of prayer. I was put on so many prayer lists and received cards and emails every single day of these last 6 weeks. Words of encouragement, thoughts of healing, knowing people were thinking of me and sending me light and love. This is true healing. These thoughts carried me through this, allowed me to realize what was important in life.
To live everyday with gusto and love, to be kind to everyone because you just never know their situation. To go easy on yourself, not be too critical, too angry, too judgemental, too exacting, to be in the moment and enjoy what you are doing and if not make the changes NOW to make that happen. Your life is now.
And so ~now I can be happy and thrilled and relived and say~ I DID IT!!!!!
This 6 weeks went by so fast, proof that life does indeed go by fast... good or bad, happy or sad... your life goes on.
SO~If I can offer some words of advice ... please take care of YOU! Make those doctors appointments, eat right, get rid of the stress... take a walk, take a vacation, sit in the sun, plant flowers, kiss those you love. Make plans for the future, yes, but live NOW in this moment, enjoy what you have, be grateful for every little thing, notice what and who is around you.
Life is so very precious and sometimes it takes a situation like this to realize that I have everything I need right here in me and that I am the person responsible for me... no one else.. I am in charge of my happiness... so I will make it the best I can.
I am still healing... this treatment ravages the body, the good cells along with the bad. My burning bottom will get worse before it gets better but I can make it from here!
I have 8 weeks to heal before they schedule the operation. I will be going through more testing but not for a month or so. I worked & cooked throughout the past 6 weeks and the summer months are usually slower, so I will take it easy, enjoy my grand babies, sit in the sun with a good book. Laugh with my husband. Heal from the inside out and get ready and strong for the next step.
For everyone who took this journey with me through the blog~thank you! For being there, for all your support and encouragement. I couldn't have done it without you! your words and prayers lifted me up, made me strong, kept me going!!!
YEA!!! I DID IT!!!!
I will keep writing weekly!
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