I am sitting here with my cup of coffee, it is early~ around 6 AM. I like to get up a little earlier and have some quiet time to myself in the morning.
It gives me a chance to think, to write my journal, to clear my head for the day ahead.
Mondays are usually very long days. This is the day I see both chemo & radiation doctors and go downtown to Jeff to get hooked up again.
I have to say that last week went by very quickly... before I knew it Friday was here. I had a busy week with catering and cooking and it was also a short week with Monday being Memorial Day. My energy level was up all week... now let me say that I still take a little nap in the afternoon and my bedtime has gotten earlier and earlier... but all that is OK.
I so look forward to Saturday mornings when the infusion nurse comes to my home to take off the chemo.
For the last few weeks I have taken a little longer to feel like myself when she unhooks me but this week I never did get myself back.
I did not feel good on either Saturday & Sunday. Just draggin' as they say, and now as I sit here early Monday morning, I realize I am going to start another week. My 5th week.. where did the time go?
I spent some time yesterday with my family. It was my brother Stephen's 48th birthday and we went over for a BBQ. I sat in their beautiful backyard filled with flowers & kids & family and thought to myself how lucky I am to have all this. Family & friends are what is getting me through this. To realize that people care and that you mean something to them is just the best medicine I can have. It sooths the ache, the burning, the fear that sometimes surfaces.
This is not an easy time for me. My emotions are up & down and my eyes fill with tears quickly and unexpectedly ... I try not to look too far ahead.. it is all too daunting... the next steps.. the operation, more chemo, a bag.. all too much to think about. I will take it as it comes and think about one day at a time. I can do this. I am doing this and everything will be all right....these are the words that go through my head everyday. My own little pep talk.
I try to keep humor in everyday thoughts.. I laugh at myself and some of the things I am going through. This is colon-rectal cancer so when the doctors tell me to drink prune juice, my first thought is" can I make a Cosmo with prune juice?" It helps to laugh.
So I begin the 5th week of this with 2 more weeks to go. I hope only 2 more weeks ... there are murmurings among the doctors about booster treatments. They tell me that if I am tolerating this treatment well they may add more at the end~oh goody!!!
Well~ I will do what I have to do ... what they tell me is good for me.
I look forward to this day ahead of me. It is quiet this morning... only the birds are up & tweeting. My coffee tastes good and I am ready for the day, the week, my doctors visits, a ride into town with Clint. Our little ritual of lunch in town at a new restaurant every Monday. I look forward to life, my life. Lived with gusto and laughter and family & friends.
Here's to life! Live yours now! this moment in time is all you really have~ enjoy it ... make peace with your self and others.
I have a hand written note taped to the front of my computer. It has been there for a few years, old and yellowing it says:
"Today I will~ Have fun, laugh, love life, smile, accomplish what I need to with grace & ease, enjoy my day, smile & be kind." A reminder to myself that life is precious... every single minute of every single day!
Flavors of Calabria: Amarelli Licorice
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