I've been holding my breath for about a week now.
I started this week with my PT/CT scan and then blood work. The tests were done in the beginning of the week and both my doctors appointments were not in until the end of the week... that left the middle of the week filled with angst.
I kept myself busy but the anguish of waiting did catch up with me at unexpected moments.
I tried to analyze what I was feeling. Was it fear? hope? probably a combination of both and much more. It was almost worse than the initial diagnosis. I was waiting to find out how the tumor reacted to treatment and what was next.
The days of my doctors appointments are long... we leave the house around 9 in the morning and sometimes don't get home until 4 PM or so. The waiting rooms are just that ... waiting.. waiting... thinking.. thinking. The magazines are Cancer magazines, you just can't get away from it!
I know so many of you are praying for me and sending me good energy, hope & love during this time and I thank you! I truly need it and it helps me so much.
So, I will give you the good news first.
When the surgeon examined me his reaction was of complete delight! "I don't even see the tumor. I only see the scar where the tumor was!" He told me I had the BEST possible reaction to my treatment... couldn't have gone any better he said! He was ready to schedule my operation within these next two week... I will recover quickly he said... I am in great health.
Then he read the written report on the scans... a scowl came over his face. No NO NO he said..we need to address these spots on the liver! Spots??? what spots?
I was told oh- so many months ago that there was a minuscule dot on my liver that could be nothing... it was so small that when they sent me for a biopsy of the liver the doctor couldn't find the spot to biopsy so they just decided to go ahead and treat the colon and re-visit the liver after treatment.
Well it seems that the pesky little dot doubled in size and two more showed up to keep him company.
"If the cancer is to spread it it common for it to go to the liver." My oncologist told me today as he went through the report with me ... word for word... bless his heart!!!! those hours in the waiting room melted away as he took his time explaining the report and what it means and answering our questions over and over.
And so here I sit.. not knowing much more than I did in the beginning of the week other than.. now it is in the liver. (I think I need a drink~what the hell!) A double Martini~PLEASE!
Next week I will meet with another surgeon... this one a liver surgeon. He, hopefully will coordinate with my other surgeon (my-oh-my, so many doctors!) He will give me more information on what is going on (I hope!)
I am sitting at my desks with my rocks and fountain and crystals and ribbons and healing stones.
I am OK. I feel like~ it is what it is and I will do whatever I have to do. I will get through this. I am strong, I am positive, I have a wonderful support system and yes I can do this!
But first~ a double martini!!!~for the roller coaster ride!
Flavors of Calabria: Amarelli Licorice
6 months ago