"I have heard that there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me" Dr. Seuss
A dear friend sent me this quote. I have it taped to the wall in my office.
It seems to say what I feel right now.
We went downtown to Jeff yesterday to talk to the oncologist. The visit was a real eye opener as they say.
I have Cancer. A cancer that metastasizes to another organ is a formidable opponent you see. Much more serious then if it had just stayed in my colon. They are bringing in the big guns! A chemo cocktail comprised of 3 or more different types of heavy duty drugs. Drugs with a list of side effects as long as my arm!~Maybe both arms!!!
Our visit was a pleasant one, if you can say that. My 10:15 appointment had me in the office for over 2 hours, discussing my options, answering our questions, going over what the next few months will look like, feel like.
My doctor is a compassionate one. He is soft spoken but does not sugar- coat what is happening.
He told me like it is. I have to live my life one day at a time. I have to learn to manage this Cancer. I have to learn how to live with this Cancer. It is a Cancer that does not go away. It is not a curable Cancer. I am learning the word Cancer and Cure are not used in the same sentence.
This is an evolving illness, he said. Things can change, treatments can change. I am OK with all of this as long as I have a plan. I am a girl who loves to make lists and cross off what I did. So I need a list, a plan. It makes me feel better. It makes me feel like I have some sort of control. I am not sure if that is true but it makes me feel better to have a plan.
This is the plan. On Wednesday September 15th I start my second round of Chemo. I go down to Jeff to be infused for 4 hours and then go home with a little fanny pack of more chemo that goes in my system for the next 46 hours. This is done every two weeks for up to 6 months. They are not sure of the length of this treatment. It depends on how well my body handles it. As I said, the side effects are enough to send me running to hide in a cave!
On the positive side, and God knows I am looking for the positive side! I am strong, I am healthy other than this Cancer (ha ha) ~funny but true!!! I handled the previous chemo and radiation like a trooper. So chances are I will do OK.
His advice? "Take one day at a time, do what makes me feel good whether it be exercise, a walk, a massage, a nap." Listen to my body. Don't look too far ahead. This is all very good advice. Actually for all of us not just me. None of us are given a promise of tomorrow. We only have this moment in time, the present. Now ... here and now.
This has been my philosophy all my life, now I just have to fine tune it.
So I'll pick up that bat and fight this trouble and live my life each and every day and be so very thankful for all that I have. And I do have a lot. My family, my friends and clients who support me with so much passion and so many prayers. I am surrounded by love and I am so very very lucky.
I am not in this alone, so many of you have seen to that. It gives me strength and hope and makes this journey so much easier on me and I thank you all for that!
Now let me go find that bat...hope it is a BIG one!
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