Saturday, October 30, 2010

Beautiful Fall Day

I have been waiting to feel better before I write this blog.

My chemo doctor gave me a week's break from the chemo. I will go in on Wednesday for my infusion.

He called me yesterday to see how I was feeling and I thanked him for my week off. His response was that there was no way he could give me chemo with my blood work that low. My white count was more than half what it should be and that is what is causing me to feel like this. Well it was a validation anyway.
I have been down for the count for more than 2 weeks. Even on Wednesday when I came home from JEFF I went right to bed, I had a very bad night with the runs, I must have gotten up at least a dozen times..... not fun at all so consequently I was in bed all day Thursday too.

This is very hard for me. I am a doer and a mover, to be in bed all day no matter how bad I feel is torture.

The good news is that today Saturday I am starting to feel a little better. I woke up early and went to my "Voodoo Room" as Clint calls it. It is my space, a room that I purged of all unnecessary stuff, a room where I have a rocking chair and a mat to lay upon when I want to stretch or meditate. I love this room. It is full of light and hope for me. I spent a quiet hour or so just writing by candlelight. It was still dark when I woke up this morning.

When I write in the morning it is called Morning pages, I have been doing this for years and years and it helps clear my mind and clarify my thoughts and dreams. I take a pad of paper and just write what comes to mind. Your mind is a busy place and to do this every morning is a wonderful thing. I always feel so much better when I stick to this routine.

I went outside after my morning coffee with Clint to breath in the beautiful Fall weather and take in the brilliant colors that Autumn has given us. It is a perfect fall day and I am so grateful that I can enjoy it from someplace other than my bed.

So I am taking one moment at a time. My mind does race ahead to what is in store for me, it is only natural but I try my best to stay in the moment. My friend Sarah tells me to come back to my breath, it is always there for me, to center me and calm me and reassure me that life will go on no matter what and that this moment is my life. I try not to take too much of the past with me too, it is over and there is nothing to do about it.

So I hope you all enjoy this beautiful weekend, Take a moment where ever you are to stop and just listen to the sounds around you. Take a deep breath and look at the trees, the birds, the sky. Splendor is all around us. Live in this moment. Enjoy who you are with or just being by your self. Take a minute to smile at someone, you never know what is happening in their life, give them a smile or send them positive energy, it will come back to you.

This is a journey that is teaching me so much. It is not a journey that I chose, but here I am non the less. I will grow from this and be a better person. I will appreciate all that I have in my life and learn to slow down and enjoy it. 

I hope you enjoy your moments in time too!

I am sending all of you love and energy, thank you for being on this journey with me and being in my life. I feel the love and prayers of all and I am thankful.

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