Monday, December 13, 2010

Feels like Christmas

I am 5 days past my last infusion and I have been in bed practically that whole time. I did venture into the kitchen on  Thursday and Friday and Saturday to cook for the jobs I had. Patti and Clint were a big help to me as I sat in the chair and told them what to do! Even that was tiring, almost unbelievable to me!

This is the season, for lights and cookies and wrapped packages and trees and Santas. I am overwhelmed by all of this. In years past my home was decorated Thanksgiving weekend. Trains up, Santa's lining my mantle and window sills, tree decorated, cookies baked, presents wrapped. This year is different. I am dreaming of doing all of this not doing it. I have very little energy. This alone can get me down in the dumps. I want to participate in this holiday. My body has other ideas!

I am slowly dragging my boxes of decorations up from the basement, Clint is putting up our big train set for the grand kids, they can't wait! I think about baking cookies and one day I will wake up and actually feel like baking cookies!

I feel like this is some sort of lesson for me~to slow down, to accept I am not who I was last year, to let others do for me what I can't do myself. Although this does not seem hard it really is. Being a doer all my life and all of a sudden not being able to do even the simplest stuff is excruciating to me!

My next infusion is scheduled for December 22nd, I think they are crazy!!! I will call and plead with my Doctor to give me Christmas week off. I cannot even imagine being this sick for the Holidays.

In years past I have always cooked the Feast of the Seven Fishes but with me it ended up being the Feast of the 10 fishes (I get carried away!)

It was a pleasure for me to carry on this tradition in my home surrounded by my family and with the grand kids running around the house in excitement, the noise level was almost unbearable! but oh so much fun! and that is what the holidays are all about, being surrounded by family, some who you love and others who you tolerate. It is all OK on Christmas eve!

I have to come to the realization that this year will be different. Christmas with a twist. Others cooking, not so many decorations, cookies sent by others (I LOVE them!). My family will be by my side and I will enjoy this different scenario with the same gusto I have always enjoyed the holidays. Not so easy but I am so appreciative of everyones' help. A BIG lesson for me!

Life is about choices and I chose to enjoy each day and the time that I feel good. I don't want Christmas to pass me by so I will be involved, however I can.

I wish everyone a Happy and loving Christmas filled with family, fabulous food, love and joy. Remember it is not about how much stuff you get but the relationships you have in your life. You never know when you will need your family and friends around you to love and support you.

Be kind, be happy, be grateful. Your life is NOW!

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