We drove down to Jeff amidst the raindrops and with a tenseness in my body.
I knew what I wanted to hear but I wasn't at all sure what the doctor would tell me.
I was on a Merry-Go round of doctors appointments, one after another telling me what they thought I should do, what they all recommended was surgery even though they all did say that the chemo did a dramatic job and they were not even sure what was coming up in the PT scan was Cancer or scars from where the Cancer was or the effects from the radiation I had.
This decision was a difficult one for me. I kept going back and forth~get it over with, go for the operations now and be done with it and the next minute I was thinking NO I don't want to do this now.
I am just starting to feel good, like myself, with some energy, some ambition, some hope.
I didn't want to be down for the count for another year!
We got down there early despite a lot of traffic and rain. We were seen immediately~funny how I take that as a good sign! I barely signed in when my name was called. The doctor came in minutes after we were led to the room. He told me I looked great, when I said I was shying away from the surgeries, he agreed with me "I don't blame you" he said! well at least we were on the same page as they say!
I told him that I talked to the oncologist and the colon surgeon and that I wanted to wait for surgery. I could not justify going in for one maybe two major operations when there was little evidence that the Cancer was alive and well.
Did he want to do the liver now? I asked. "No, it can wait too. What you have and what I see on the scans is so small it might not even be Cancer". There is one spot that is on the surface of my liver, he feels that it can wait until July when I get my next set of scans and blood work. Also that he can go in and burn it or scrape it out, a minor operation compared to taking out half of my liver!!! tops 3 or 4 days in the hospital. He also gave me hope that this may all just go away. You never know he said.
I almost danced out of that examining room. What good news!
Now I am not stupid or naive, I know that I will be tested regularly and anything can happen but I have high hopes for me and I can make my plans and live my life NOW.
I am feeling good and I am thinking positive. I have hope and a new sense of optimism.
That song" You don't know what you got till it's gone" is going through my head. I got through this past year, it was not easy but I did it! it gave me a realization of what is important in life.
It changed my outlook and my reactions to everyday nuisances. It made me realize that in this life, each and every day is so important, important to be calm, to be peaceful, to be kind, to appreciate everything and everyone I have in my life, to make time to enjoy the little things, like a flower blooming, birds singing, a quiet breeze, I know this may all sound corny but life would not be the same without those simple pleasures. Things we take for granted. Time with our family, laughter, good food, a good nights' sleep.
I want to enjoy and appreciate all those little good things that I have in my life. I am thankful everyday for what I have, I try not to think about what I don't have or the things I think I might want. I have every thing I need, all within me to live and appreciate and to make a difference in this life.
I am an optimistic and happy person.. I would rather see life as exciting and challenging and enjoy every minute than dwell on the negative .. I love to cook and have my family around .. big family dinners and celebrations are always held in my home.. I have a huge table 10 feet long ..filled with food and family.. I have learned many of my mom's old recipes and try to recreate many of the dishes I grew up with .. I am teaching my grandsons to cook .. they love it! I have a wonderful,happy, loving relationship with my husband. He supports me in everything I do and is my biggest fan and taste tester.. he loves all things Italian too!
I love to cook, write, eat and laugh .. I wrote a cookbook in 2004.. the title? LIVE,LAUGH,COOK! what else!