Decisions

What to do?
I met with my oncologist on Tuesday afternoon, I had a cooking class that night and I had to be home by 5 PM. It was not such a good idea to schedule both in one day. It was an emotional doctor visit for me. He was going to give me my options for further treatment.

He did just that. He came in closed the door and sat down facing us. He told me when he conferred with the liver and colon surgeons their recommendations was to operate. He also said that he would go along with that decision BUT I had to take in consideration all my options and end results.

There is not guarantee that even after 2 operations to remove where the tumor was in my colon, along with a colostomy and take out the spot or spots on the liver that the Cancer may still return. In the same organs or in others. There is no way to predict what could happen. Therefore he told me that I need to weigh having the operations and going through at least 6 months of recovery to get back to where I am now or take a wait and see attitude and in July have the scans and tests done again to determine if the Cancer spread or grew or jumped around in my body.

Do I risk going into surgery and getting an infection, staying in the hospital for longer than a week, having a colostomy that may or may not be able to be reversed?
Only to have the Cancer come back again, do I wait and see and just take a chance that my colon is clear? The PT/CT scans and blood work are not perfect, he told me there is no way to really predict how much Cancer is left after Chemo, the only sure way is by a biopsy. The colon surgeon could not find a thing when he did the exam a few weeks ago but the scans say there is activity in my colon... could it be from the radiation I received back in the spring of last year? Yes it can.. so now what?

He told me to consider quality of life and do I really want to go through some major surgeries if I don't really have to? so many questions and so little answers. His advice was to meet again with both of the surgeons and try to pinpoint exactly what they want to do as far as surgery. Will the liver surgeon do a Laproscopic surgery requiring a shorter stay in the hospital and thus less side effects, what are the percentages of colostomy reversal?  There are no guarantees and maybe that is what I was looking for. I am faced with a battery of questions about the rest of my life.

This is difficult, I want to do the right thing for me but at this point I just don't know what that is.
My gut reaction is to skip the surgeries and just wait and see and maybe this will all go away, but am I being naive? am I risking the chance of this appearing somewhere else and then my option for surgery is taken away?
He also told me that at this time he would not recommend more chemo, my body has taken all it could and it would be more detrimental than helpful right now.
This is weighing on my mind, awake and asleep it is all I think of. No one can answer this but me. I try to sit and find a quiet space in my mind and heart and listen for the answer. I pray I make the right decision.