Saturday, March 5, 2011

The limit

I think my body has reached it's limit. I have been tired, queasy and just plain sick these past few days after my infusion. I was expecting to feel good and I was in for a surprise.

I had plans for this week, just fun plans. Maybe take a ride to Lancaster, maybe go out and eat, maybe take my mom shopping... maybe maybe,that is a big maybe, I am too tired and sick to my stomach to do anything but lay down and even that is not comfortable. I think my body is saying ENOUGH!!!!

It has been over 6 months now that I am on this chemo for the liver, not even counting the 6 weeks of chemo and radiation I had back in the Spring... enough already...
I know I have one more treatment to go On March 16th. My Doctor tells me he can't predict what will happen after the tests, the tests will determine that. More chemo?? oh God NO! operations~ I am not looking forward to that either.

This Cancer is an unpredictable disease as he says. The road is filled with unexpected twists and turns. He knows I am a planner and I want to make plans for my summer but he is not promising a thing. I guess he doesn't want me to be disappointed or let down so all the questions I asked last Tuesday were answered with a "I don't know" Well See" The tests will tell. " No answer really... just questions. I am trying to keep my head up but the tears and the fears have a way of sneaking in when I least expect them to. I want to be strong and brave, but that is not how I am feeling.

So this week I will give in to these feelings of helplessness and uncertainty and give in to the tears and just rest. Maybe that is what I need more rest!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Susan,
    Don't give up. It will get better. Tell your body to move forward. Smell the rain and let the sun shine on your face.