This week has been up and down. I went for all my required tests in the begining of the week and the wait for the results had me on edge.
Today I called my oncologist and left him a message "Please call me with the results!" I know I will see the liver surgeon tomorrow but he is a surgeon, although an excellent one, he is quick with his visits and gives me little satisfaction. My oncologist spends more time, answering my questions and going over all details. I wanted and needed to talk to him.
Last time we saw the Liver surgeon I told Clint to trip him when he came into the room just so he would stay in the room longer so I could talk to him!!!!
Almost immediately my oncologist called back.
I sat at the kitchen table, phone in hand, pad of paper nearby with Clint on the extension to hear what I didn't.
He started off as he usually does. "Well.... I have both report, I see that things are stable"
STABLE!!!??? are you kidding me, 7 months of side effects and things are JUST STABLE!!!!!!
He calmed me down telling me that this was a good thing, the Cancer did not spread to any other organ. The biggest spot on my liver reduced from a nickle to a dime, the other spots are so small that the PT/CT scan didn't pick them up but the MRI did.
As far as further treatment, he told me he needed to discuss my options with the Liver surgeon after he sees me tomorrow and the Colon surgeon, who I dread seeing but now have to make an appointment to see. They have to re-examine the colon to see why it is still "Lighting Up" for that matter all the spots are still "Lighting up" but he told me it could be from the radiation I got last Spring.
So where am I now? I am thrilled that it didn't spread, I am disappointed that there is still "activity" as they say. I am in limbo. I am hoping to have more concrete answers tomorrow, but I am finding that nothing is concrete!!!
The news I received was not bad news by any means, but I am finding out that there are no black and white answers to Cancer. It is a process, a journey, a hellva trip to be sure!!! I am on the roller coaster of life, holding on for dear life, screaming, laughing and crying part of the way, but the good news is that I am still on the roller coaster!!!!!
So I have news but I don't have answers.
But the sun is shining and I am cooking for a class tonight and I am in good spirits and I will take this moment in time and enjoy it best I can! Life is fragile and I am fragile in some ways and in other ways strong.
Tomorrow will bring more "NEWS."
Flavors of Calabria: Amarelli Licorice
9 months ago